This weekend I had the pleasure of catching up with some very old and dear friends of mine: Chris, Eva & their 2 boys. They now live 400 miles away and we basically keep in touch via our respective parents (who happen to be neighbors) so this was really a treat. While my children played with their children, we chatted about child rearing and house plans, asperations for ourselves and our children. It was just so grown-up ... until the old stories came out and we laughed till we were red in the face and gasping.
But that isn't really what I wanted to write about. What I wanted to write about was how I've finally realized that I have my own way of parenting and I don't do half bad. You see, Eva is one of those natural mothers. She just seems to know instinctively how to mother. Add to that the fact that she also insists on all natural/organic foods and has the boys on a vegetarian diet and you'll see what I mean. I spent the first hour feeling just a bit inferior in the motherhood department. But somewhere along the way I realized that she is second guessing herself and her choices in exactly the same way that I do. Why do we do this to ourselves?
I've decided to try and give myself a break. I'm going to give myself permission to be human and make mistakes. I'm certain that my kids will turn out ok...maybe even better since they won't have a crazed lunatic for a mother. Wish me luck.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Vacationitis - n. The unshakable, completely mind encompising awareness of the fact the you will be leaving on vacation in x number of days/hours/minutes...
I am soooo ready to get out of here and head north to the beautiful waters of Lake Ontario. One week to go and counting!
Monday, August 21, 2006
Last night I watched as my son and my hubby, Phil, went through old pictures. Jacob has developed a sincere curiosity about his family. Specifically about those of us who are no longer here in person. It all started when he asked who Daddy's Pop Pop was (Pop Pop is my Dad for those of you who don't already know). Phil explained that his PopPop was actually called GrandDaddy and that he had died and was in heaven along with his Nana. That's when we decided to pull out the pictures.
I watched as my son delighted in the fact that he looked like Daddy when he was little and that Aunt Mandy was so much littler than Daddy was ... and my husband took a little walk down memory lane, saying hello to some loved ones that are sorely missed. It's one of those moments that you want to store up so that you can bring it out later and look at it again, turning it this way and that to see every endearing moment.
Thank you sweetie for giving our son his great-grandparents and giving me a treasured moment. Love you!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
It's really about sharing the joy - honest it is!
Why do MWCs try to talk MWOCs into having children? Is it some club that is just trying to enlarge its membership? A friend of mine asked me recently why it was that MWCs all touted the wonders of parenthood and then acted as if they had won the lottery as soon as they could foist the kids off onto someone else. My reply at the time was simply “Time away from the kids doesn’t happen very often so when it does, its feels as if you’ve won the lottery.”
But it’s more than that. I think it really has to do with remembering who you were before you had children. That carefree, ”I don’t have to worry about anyone but myself” person that you used to be. With children comes responsibility, there’s no getting around it. You now have a person or persons that are dependent on your for their most basic needs not to mention their physical, mental and emotional wellness. As a parent you have the daunting task of feeding, clothing, teaching and hopefully loving (although sometimes this is difficult at 3 AM with no sleep) this little person who may not want you to do any of those things. So when you have a chance to return to some semblance of that person, you grab for it with both hands.
Now back to why parents want everyone to share in the joys of parenthood. I’ve realized that parenting comes in three flavors – mindless tedium, frantic worrying and those wonderful Eureka moments. “Mindless tedium?” you say. Think of that old commercial where the guy continually opens the door to the refrigerator repeating “Mom can I have a cookie?” over and over and you’ll get my meaning. Sometimes you just want to scream until something different happens…and then it does. Enter frantic worrying. My friend Beth put it best when she said “It’s like you took half your heart and half your mind and put them in someone else’s body and they are out there walking around, completely oblivious.” Is it any wonder that Mom’s are notoriously scattered? Now, interspersed in between these are the Eureka moments. These are the moments that make the rest all worthwhile. Like when, out of the blue you child says “I love you Mommy”, or the feel of those little arms giving you a big hug, or the lump of pride you get in your throat when your child accomplishes something that they’ve really worked hard at. If you are a parent, you already know what I mean and if you aren’t, you won’t have the slightest inkling of the depth of emotion that I am describing.
So it’s these Eureka moments that drive MWCs to tout the joys of parenthood. Honestly, these moments are like ambrosia to a starving person. They are the heady, yell for joy type of moments and the small, quiet moments that happen every day. At times they are so poignant that you find yourself smiling days, weeks or even years later when something brings back the memory. Does that answer the question?